Hook's Little Mermaid
by Lala Kate
Summary: A day at Disney World is almost more than Killian can take. My contribution for CSSS day.


_What would happen if Hook and Emma visited Disney World with their daughter? For hisladyswan on CSSS day. :)_

_Of course, I don't own OuaT or any of it's delightful characters. But I hope you enjoy anyway!_

* * *

The day has progressed from bad to worse.

"Why are these people dressed in such peculiar clothing?" he asks as they walk through the entrance, Meredith's golden curls bobbing in time with her feet.

"They're greeters and Disney employees," Emma hisses back, shaking her head in exasperation.

"And you tried to force me to change my attire," he murmurs, giving her a pointed glance. "I blend in better here than you do, love."

She rolls her eyes for what seems like the fiftieth time already, and it's not even 10:00 am.

"Mary Poppins!" Meredith squeals, grabbing her father's hand and pulling him towards a staircase that leads to a woman dressed in a white dress standing beside an over-sized penguin.

"Mary Who?" he questions once they're firmly established in line.

"Mary Poppins," Emma replies. "You know, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

"You'll never convince me that's an actual word," he shrugs, eyeing the penguin with blatant distrust.

"Just be quiet and smile," Emma instructs as her daughter runs ahead and throws her arms around the magical nanny's legs.

"Who dwells in this castle?" he asks as they draw near to the structure. "It's horribly under-fortified. Any marauder who wanted to could simply walk up to the gates and stake his claim."

"It's Cinderella's castle, Daddy!" Meredith exclaims, clapping her hands in excitement.

"I thought Ella lived in Storybrooke," he whispers to Emma, earning himself another piercing stare before he is tackle-hugged by a giant chipmunk. Emma snaps a picture, hoping she won't have to explain to a policeman why her husband nearly knocked out Chip and Dale.

"Well that was bloody torture," he muses as they exit _It's a Small World._ "And they call that a family ride—a bunch of dolls with irritating smiles singing that hideous song over and over? That's the stuff of nightmares."

"I loved it," Meredith giggles, tugging them into the line for _Peter Pan's Flight._

"First flying elephants, and now you're going to let her go on a ride that celebrates Pan?" he asks incredulously, attracting more than his fair share of stares. "That insidious villain who kidnapped Henry and nearly cost your father his life?"

"Shut up, pal," a heavy set man in front of him demands. "You're scaring my grandkids."

"You think I'm scary, wait until they come face to face with a flying demon who steals hearts from innocent children and swipes boys from their homes to force them into mindless servitude."

They are asked to leave the ride.

"Not a word," she mutters icily as they wait in line to meet Tinkerbell.

"Does your mother have any idea how she is portrayed in this land?" he later questions as Meredith gets Snow White's autograph in her glittery pink notebook.

"I'm not sure," Emma replies with a shrug.

"I'd have her write a complaint to the person in charge. This is a travesty. I'd wager she doesn't even know how to wield a bow and arrow."

She dreads the moment he comes face to face with Captain Hook.

"But I want to be a mermaid, Daddy," Meredith pleads, looking up at her father with soulful blue eyes from her seat in _The Pirate's League_.

"Mermaids are vicious, vengeful creatures, and I'll have no daughter of mine emulating one," he insists firmly. "Much better to dress as a pirate, little lass."

Her chin quivers, her eyes fill with tears as his wife grabs his arm in a painful vice.

"You're the most beautiful little mermaid I've ever seen," the girl who has completed her make-up later exclaims, making Meredith beam back at her parents.

"She looks nothing like a mermaid," Killian murmurs under his breath.

"If you say one more word, you'll be sleeping by the pool the rest of the week."

He shuts his mouth firmly.

"Captain Jack Sparrow, you say?" he repeats as they watch the show, Meredith cheering in the front row. "Never heard of him. He can't be that worthy of a pirate if he has no reputation of which to speak. His sword skills are abominable."

"He's an actor," Emma sighs. "Dressed in a costume and playing a part. Relax and enjoy the show."

"Wait!" he exclaims as his daughter is called up on the stage to be sworn in as a member of Captain Jack's crew. "She already belongs to my crew and needs no other captain." He then bounds up the steps, grabbing up a sword and facing a clearly startled Jack Sparrow.

"This sword is plastic," Killian notes with a look of disgust. "Can you not even wield a real blade?"

"There are children on the stage," Sparrow observes, backing up a few paces.

"Children I shall liberate from service to such an unworthy captain," Killian states, leveling the fake blade right at Sparrow's chest. "Draw your sword."

Sparrow complies, and the audience cheers, clearly believing this to be an unexpected twist as Emma watches on in horror. The duel commences, Killian handily knocking him from the stage in matter of seconds as the fake Smee stares at him shell-shocked.

"Well, lads and lasses," Killian shouts. "How many of you would like to serve aboard the Jolly Roger with the real Captain Hook?" He then flashes the hook itself, the children all screaming and raising their hands while onlookers clap loudly.

"You're the best daddy ever!" Meredith exclaims as Emma pulls them off-stage, catching a glimpse of security making their way to the site.

"And the best pirate to ever sail the seas," he hums, his wife pulling them into an alcove and staring hard at them both. "Perhaps we should move here," he continues, grinning back at Emma. "I could teach those imbeciles a thing or two and improve that lack-luster presentation immensely."

They turn to stare as Jasmine and Aladdin walk by, Killian's eyes following the pair with interest.

"We must find you clothing like hers," he observes, licking his lips slowly in Emma's direction.

"Who says I didn't pack that outfit for the trip?" she replies without flinching, leaving him staring after her dumbfounded as she takes their daughter's hand and walks away.


End file.
